Sabah Khalid
Accredited Psychotherapist
Specialisations
Many second‑generation and BIPOC people in Europe grow up with the feeling of living between worlds. You might speak one language at home and another outside, move between different rules and expectations, and constantly adjust how you show up depending on who is in the room.
At the same time, experiences of racism, xenophobia and subtle exclusion can send the message that you do not fully belong anywhere: not in the country your family comes from, and not in the country you live in now. Research has linked these identity conflicts and experiences of discrimination with higher levels of stress, anxiety and depression in migrants and their children.
This article explores some common struggles for second‑generation and BIPOC communities in Europe, and how therapy can support you in making sense of your story.
Growing up in an immigrant or racialised family often means navigating at least two different value systems. At home, there may be a strong focus on family loyalty, community, religion or collective responsibility. In wider European society, you may be encouraged to be independent, assertive and self‑focused.
Many people describe feeling “too much” of one culture and “not enough” of another. You might feel judged at home for being “too European” or “forgetting where you come from”, while also feeling stereotyped or othered at school, university or work for being “too foreign” or “not really from here”.
- Confusion about who you are and where you truly belong
- Shame about certain parts of your identity, such as your name, accent, faith or cultural practices
- Grief about “lost” aspects of your identity, like language, traditions or a sense of home.
These feelings are not a personal weakness; they are understandable responses to living in societies where some identities are treated as the default and others are questioned or devalued.
In many immigrant households, success is not just personal. It is often tied to the sacrifices of previous generations: leaving home, navigating anti‑immigrant policies, working multiple jobs, or living with unstable legal status.
- “We came here so you could have a better life.”
- “You must work twice as hard to be taken seriously.”
- “People like us cannot afford to fail.”
Research suggests that racialised and immigrant families in Europe often face socioeconomic disadvantages and barriers to opportunities, which can increase pressure on younger generations to “make it”.
- Internal pressure to choose “respectable” or “stable” careers, even if they do not fit you
- Feeling responsible for your parents’ financial, emotional or practical wellbeing
- Difficulty resting, setting boundaries or saying “no” because you do not want to disappoint your family
- Anxiety, perfectionism, chronic stress and burnout, especially in academic or professional environments.
On the outside, this might look like being high achieving. On the inside, it can feel like you are constantly one mistake away from failing your family.
Beyond family dynamics, second‑generation and BIPOC communities in Europe often face xenophobia and racism in everyday life. Xenophobia refers to fear or hostility towards people perceived as “foreign”; racism involves systems and attitudes that disadvantage people based on racialised categories. Both have been recognised as important determinants of health.
Large reviews have found that discrimination and racism are consistently associated with worse mental health outcomes, including higher levels of distress, anxiety and depression.
- Being repeatedly asked “Where are you really from?” or having your belonging questioned
- Hearing comments about your name, hair, skin or accent
- Facing discrimination when applying for housing, jobs or education
- Being followed in shops, over‑policed in public spaces, or targeted by hostile media narratives.
- Hypervigilance and constant alertness in public spaces
- Self‑doubt and internalised negative beliefs about your worth or abilities
- Feelings of anger, helplessness, or emotional numbness
- Symptoms of anxiety, depression or trauma
It is common to minimise these experiences or blame yourself for being “too sensitive”, especially if people around you tell you to ignore them. Your reactions are understandable responses to ongoing stress.
Therapy offers a confidential, non‑judgmental space to slow down and look at the bigger picture of your life. For second‑generation and BIPOC clients in Europe, this often includes:
Therapy can support you to:
- Tell the story of where you and your family come from, including migration journeys, losses and hopes
- Name and make space for all parts of your identity: cultural, racial, religious, gender, professional and more
- Notice where you feel you have to hide or split parts of yourself to be accepted in different spaces
Over time, this work can help you move from “I do not belong anywhere” towards a more integrated sense of self, where you are able to hold complexity and contradictions without feeling fragmented.
Migration and diaspora life can involve many forms of grief: leaving people, places and familiar routines; losing fluency in a language; feeling distant from parts of your culture; and sometimes facing ruptures within families.
- Acknowledge and mourn what has been lost or changed, even if others expect you to be grateful
- Work through feelings of anger, guilt, shame or resentment that may be difficult to express within your community
- Begin to imagine what it could look like to honour your roots and care for your own needs in the present
When you grow up with strong narratives about success and sacrifice, it can feel dangerous to question them. Therapy provides a space to:
- Explore how beliefs about success, failure and obligation were formed in your family and community
- Notice how these beliefs affect your mental health, relationships and choices today
- Experiment with more flexible, compassionate definitions of success that honour both your family’s history and your own values
This does not mean abandoning your family or community. It means finding ways to live that do not rely solely on self‑sacrifice and constant overperformance.
A therapist who understands racism, xenophobia and structural inequality can help you:
- Put your experiences in context, so you see them as part of larger patterns rather than personal failures
- Identify internalised messages you may have absorbed (for example, about what is “professional”, “educated” etc)
- Develop strategies to protect your wellbeing in environments where discrimination still exists, including boundaries, community support and advocacy when possible
This work can reduce shame and support a more grounded, empowered sense of self.
Many second‑generation and BIPOC people share that they do not want to spend their therapy sessions explaining racism, migration, or the basics of their cultural context. They want to work with someone who already understands that these experiences are real and impactful, whether through lived experience, training, or both.
- Recognise how policies, media narratives and daily interactions shape your mental health
- Hold space for loyalty to family and culture while supporting your individual needs
- Help you connect personal struggles with structural issues, so you feel less alone and less “defective”
At Thera, this is a central part of how we think about mental health and wellbeing.
Thera was created to make it easier for people from BIPOC and diaspora communities to find therapists who understand migration, racism, and life between cultures, and who can offer sessions in the languages and conditions you feel most yourself in.
On Thera, you can: learn how our online therapy platform works and which countries in Europe we currently serve
- Browse therapists who specialise in identity, migration, racism, family expectations and related topics
- Filter for language, ethnic background, therapeutic approach and availability, so you can find someone who feels like a good fit
If you recognise yourself in this article and would like support, you can learn how Thera works and explore therapists.
If you are not ready for therapy yet, you can also sign up for a Thera account and join our newsletter for more resources on identity, mental health and diaspora life in Europe.
References
*This article draws on peer-reviewed research including
This content is informational and does not replace professional clinical advice. If you are in crisis, please contact your local emergency services or crisis line.
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